Making Resolutions Mindful - Goal setting for the New Year
The pressure to set goals or resolutions for the new year can be overwhelming. From self-help guru’s to the regular news, everyone is setting goals. There are also industries that rely on you making (and breaking) resolutions. Going through this process from a place of mindfulness can help you set goals that are right for you as well as help you keep them (or recognize when they need to change).
Start Here: You are not broken
The making of resolutions can rest in the thought or idea that you need fixing. In having a self-awareness practice, we look at where those messages are coming from. They often reside in the past or from messages we received from others. It rarely comes from within.
When we look more closely at the areas of ourselves that we dislike the most, they are often attached to past conditioning. The roots of these feelings will reside in past hurts or ideals we had. We all have work to do, but it is pivotal to know where the desire to change comes from. It is the knowledge of this that we recognize that we are not broken, we are just on a journey that involves learning and growth. Set goals to embrace your nature to change and evolve, not to fix.
The Only Constant is Change: Be Willing to Adjust your Goals
In the self-help world there lies a common belief that once you set a goal, it is there until you achieve it. In contrast, there are so many conditions that will affect the success of that goal that is out of your control that it can be almost impossible to achieve a goal without making amendments to its original form. We can become attached to our goal and essentially blind ourselves from the need to change it as different situations arise. When setting a goal or resolution, recognize that this may mean needing to change them at any point in the timeline you have set for yourself. Being OK with changing a goal can often make the difference in achieving it.
From the Heart: Where the Real Change Happens
Lose weight, quit smoking, drink less alcohol, make more money.
You set goals for many reasons, according to the mind and the ego. But when you take a look at your goals through the lens of the heart, you can see that you are chasing a feeling. This can be perpetuated by the media or other outside influences who tell you that when you have A, you will feel B. When you can observe this happening, it can be helpful to question why you are making those goals. Are you setting that goal to appease the rest of society? What is the true nature behind this resolution? What are you hoping to feel?
You are driven by three basic needs: to feel safe, to feel loved, and to belong to a group. All goals can fit into at least one of these categories. These basic needs are hard-wired into the brain and our behavior is a reflection of these needs. There are many good reasons as to why you make goals, including health, wealth and happiness, but they all come back to these basic needs. When you recognize that, it can help you to understand why you set certain goals and how you can achieve them, from the heart. What are you hoping to FEEL when you achieve these goals?
Celebrate the Wins: Avoiding the “Now What” Syndrome
If you are choosing to make goals, be sure to celebrate your achievements. Set mini milestones so you can observe your growth. Congratulate yourself for embracing the constant that is change. Award yourself for recognizing that you have some work to do and you’re doing it FOR YOU. A by-product of setting and achieving goals can be the feeling of “now what”. You can do all this work to make it to a goal and then realize that the feeling you wanted wasn’t there. There is no pot of gold. The journey IS where the magic happens. It is by going through challenges that you observe growth and change. By learning to celebrate both the journey and the destination, you wire your brain to accept and seek change. In living this way, goals almost become non-existent because we are able to see every moment as a journey and a place to land.
Living from a place of “now what” also takes us out of the present moment. Planning and preparation are important pieces of setting goals and achieving them. But it can also pull you out of the present. You can reach the finish line and instead of residing there for a while, you are already planning the next thing you need to win. This mindset can be intoxicating as you are chasing the next achievement. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do more but the trick lies in giving some time to feel into what you have already done. Celebrate the wins FIRST, then move on.
Resolutions take Courage: Be Brave
In choosing to mindfully make a change in your life, you have chosen to be brave. There is a piece of you that steps into vulnerability by admitting that something isn’t quite right. When you take the time to identify a part of yourself that needs to shift, that takes courage. Although change is constant, being willing to take change into your own hands can be scary. Setting truly authentic, life-changing goals is an act of courage!
Ringing in the New Year
Instead of thinking “new year, new you”, try adapting it to show that you are always changing and evolving. New moment, new you. New breath, new you. By living mindfully you observe that every moment is an opportunity for growth and change. So whether it is the new year or just the next minute, remember that you are exactly who and where you need to be at this moment.
April Prescott, B Ed, 200-Hr YTT